the bluspice92'

A beautiful blessing indeed, I can honestly say this labor and delivery is one for the books. I am one of those females who hates being pregnant but looks forward to labor. The experience in all excites me and I can't imagine a motivation greater than looking forward to seeing your very own little human. For those of you that aren't aware, Camela is named after her beautiful aunty Cameo. She was brought onto this earth 1 day before her Aunty's life celebration. I do believe that my sister Cameo was there with me during labor. For some reason I was in a placid state of mind. I knew everything was going to flow as it should and there wouldn't be anything for me to worry about. Every contraction and push were compared to a beautiful type of pain, one that came from golden place.

Since I've obviously been busy with life and my side hustle, 6 months has passed since I've given birth to this beautiful bundle of joy. I would spam my blog with her pics throughout these past beautiful months however, I'll save that for a post within itself. As you're all aware by now, my kids pictures are all listed under their hashtags found on Instagram #persaeusdiaries && #dayinthelifeofmela ! Just in case you're like me and can't wait for another post from someone who is in-active. *unamused emoji* --> found it 😒

With my projects from 2016 being out of the way, I can finally kick off the new year of 2017 with personal goals to be reached. Something that seems attainable as opposed to my goals of last month right? RIGGG...ONGGGG I feel as though I've been waiting for this month for quite some time now. Since finding out I was pregnant, I've been worried about my weight gain. *crying* I'm definitely at an all high record SMH I would insert the #TBT my sister sent me the other day, but that would just annoy me. Anyways, back on track...I've been waiting for this month because this is the month I am able to bring my 6 MONTH Old with me. Yes, 6 Months has definitely came and passed in hastily fashion. I don't think everyone understands how much this means to me 😊

Going to cut this post short due to mother duties calling my name. With that being said, I hope to be an active blogger and to read more books then I have the year before, to improve with detailed projects, feed my children knowledge and love. May you all have a blessed and beautiful ride around the sun. #stayblessed #staybeautiful

"Our paths may change as life goes on, but the bond between us remains forever strong. I miss you sister!"

Missing You <3 --> listen to this while reading for a full experience. 





If only you could've stayed, stating the fact that no one deserves this is an understatement when referring to your case. Everyone that has ever known you would vouch in your favor. You can't fake a beautiful soul, nor can time erase the humble memories we've shared. For some reason I can't say that my grieving process took awhile to start. As soon as I got the news, my heart literally dropped. Its a feeling that I've never experienced before, an unexplainable energy just flows through and devours everything in its path. Simultaneously, memories flood my mind and I'm clouded by eternal happiness. As ironic as it seems, the good and the bad memories leaves me feeling warm and loved.

No-one could prepare themselves with a lost of a close family member. A sister that no-one could ever replace. We told each other everything that has happened in our lives whether it was pretty or ugly. Never judged one another because we knew when we fucked up and we knew that our hearts weren't set on any bad decisions that were made. The support system that was invisible to everyone else yet felt and known by one another. Although I've moved miles away, nothing has changed between us and we knew how to keep it solid. My venting partner and one of the only people I would wake up at 3 am for just to comfort her in whatever she was going through. Although you were ill, no one would know how sick you really were because you would smile and LIVE through it all. The person that I could share positive energy with because we understood each other on unearthly levels.



"Your soul recognizes other souls that are so pure, you can't pass them up." 

I remember going to your house everyday just to chill..literally CHILL and share all the juicy memories from the night before. You were the person that would listen to all my corny jokes, we could spend the entire day together doing nothing but talking and watching the kids and time would still go by quick. When you were diagnosed with Diabetes at a young age, that was a scary experience for the both of us. Seeing you in so much pain and suffering from something we knew nothing about was heartbreaking. Im beyond glad and blessed to have spent all those days and nights at the hospital with you. Every day I've spent with you in the hospital have been memories that I won't forget. We learned about diabetes together and I will always cherish how you would let me be your dr and inject your insulin and test your blood sugar levels. Your bravery and placid state of mind is what calmed me down. Although you were in and out of the ICU, I sat there talking about all the memories we've shared and I told you how I would feel lost if I were to lose you and that you had to stay strong and fight through this. I know your soul felt my presence because you squeezed my hand and I'm glad I experienced that moment with you.

We've always ended our convos with "I Love You and ttyl," therefore I don't feel as though I have no closure with you. The only truth is that you're gone too soon and this world needs people like you sis. I'm thankful that you've found someone who loves you with everything he has and I'm hurting for his lost as well. Lord knows that he took care of you throughout all of your struggles and he has never left your side. For that, I'm forever grateful and I feel for his lost as well. I know you loved him more than anything and anyone and you knew that you had a good man by your side, in turn you loved hard as well. Kisses to aunty Vicky and Uncle John and all our other aunts and uncles that were your second parents as well. The kids will forever miss you and keep you in a special place within. Our lil cuddy Vidah will for sure take this lost as a life battle and just know that I got you Vidah! The family and everyone who has ever known you were blessed to have met such a beautiful person inside and out.





Theres an abundant amount of memories I could simply state and share with you all however, I'll save the juicy stuff for our personal talks. Gone but never forgotten, my sister through it all. Its only right that I name my unborn child after you. Your love and spirit could live through her and I'll feel as though you are still here with us. May your beautiful soul rest in love and peace and I know you'll be there to steer the kids on the right path! Thank you for blessing my life and being the kind, caring, humble, motherly loving person that you were.

"Although I'm missing you, I'll find a way to get through because you were my sister, my strength and my pride. Only God could may know why, still I will get by."

I'll smile with every tear that I drop..i'll wait for the day that I'll see you again. Although we are cousins, it was a choice to become your sister/ friend. A bond you can't share with just anyone! I introduced you to my lil circle and you instantly clicked with everyone and in turn they loved you the way they love me. Its a lost that we will all live with, I wish you were here to be an old lady with me. I LOVE YOU CAMEO, a blessed sister indeed.

Note to everyone: Don't take life for granted and never forget to let your loved ones know how much they mean to you. No-one knows when its their time. Her smile could light up an entire room of people who are mourning...with that being said, SMILE, she wouldn't want to see anyone hurting. She is now reunited with her daughter and that's a beautiful thought.

                                      

I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going (I'm not complaining either) lol I'm glad its about to be over and I'm so ready to bounce back into shape. Something I can't believe is that I'm not worried about coming up with a name for this baby. With my first child, I was dreaming and coming up with many different names.

Another weird thing that has happened today is that Persaeus surprised me. She said "Baby is strong mom!" I said "Who, what baby?" She responds with, "my baby sesster!" So my reaction was, "Where?" and she touches my belly... IT may not seem strange to you all however, I've only told her once that this baby was a girl. She has never acknowledged my belly until we returned from the BAY AREA this past week. I asked her how did she know about her baby sister being strong and she said "I see my baby sesster!"  OMG I'll leave this here. lol

If you know me then you would know where I stand with out of this world sightings and things that has happened to me.

Mood: Blissful flow

I know I said that I was going to keep up with blogging since I got my laptop and I have failed smh However, I'm back and I'm better MENTALLY. I've been through a really big bump in my life within the past month and I wouldn't want to reflect on the negativity that took place. Moving on with a better mindset is all that matters at this point. Staying positive mentally and physically for my sake. I've returned from a very long over due vacate to the BAY AREA (Stand-up) lol but it was great. I didn't experience everything I planned on accomplishing however, it was worth the trip. Persaeus got to spend time with her millions of cousins (poly thing) as well as her brother Tyras.

"STRONG mothers create STRONG babies."

Who do I think I am? A phrase that has many meanings, in this point in time I am referring to my lack of exercise. Since finding out I became pregnant, I've been slacking on my eating habits and I have been inactive. I would love to blame my lack of energy and working overtime 5 days a week. However, that would've never stopped me in the past. I am beyond happy to say I have joined another gym which allows me to bring my daughter with me. Child care / protein smoothie bar / and a Q MAX workout theater all for the lovely price of $25 / month.  HELL YEAH FUCKING RIGHT!

I've been eating healthy for 2 days and counting and I plan on sticking to that train of thought for the rest of my pregnancy before going full throttle with no return. Im always happy to hear of others being on the right path as well and just know that I'm all for women empowerment, whether we get along or not.

 Music of choice : Rihanna - WORK